Spring
We all realize that before we experience the golden unleashing of springtime growth, we must weather the cold, hard winter. We cannot hand pick and hang onto specific days anymore than we can grasp our loved ones, holding them suspended in place and time. Our world is full of yin and yang contrasts and everything in between- light/dark, birth/death, young/old, health/sickness, and the list continues. Ironically the only constant in our lives, is realizing that nothing is ever truly constant.
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Which brings me here to this moment, as I write to tell you of miracles I experienced in 2011. Please read my Winter section to give you perspective on my personal cold dark winter. This may seem overstated, but I sincerely emerged from this dormant season renewed, revived, and positively bursting with vitality. Even today it's hard for me to remember exactly the feeling of it all, but I know it was incredible.
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My breast cancer journey turned out to be an amazing gift I wouldn't trade for anything. Never in a million years would I expect to say these words, but it's true. I was driven to such dark depths, eventually emerging like a tiny seed struggling underground. No one sees the effort, energy, and perseverance that little nugget undergoes before finally reaching daylight; the open air visible growth so easy in comparison to what was accomplished in the dark. That's how my own struggle felt back in 2011.
Akiane's Kramarik's Prince of Peace Jesus painting was ultimately my saving grace. I had been desperately trying to thread together the meaning of life, sickness, and ultimately the reason for our existence (small subjects, right?) when I stumbled across the Prince of Peace painting on the internet. Akiane's work combined with Colton Burpo's account of meeting Akiane's Jesus in Heaven blew my mind.
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At 36 years of age I believed there had been no solid proof that Jesus ever existed -not that I had taken the time to look. Colton and Akiane’s stories taken together really spoke to me as it showed Jesus was in fact real and present on some level TODAY- not just in the far distant past.
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As a child I attended church and believed wholeheartedly in Jesus Christ. In my early twenties as I was finishing up University I doubted anything that couldn’t be scientifically verified . The issue was that I hadn’t taken the time to upgrade my childhood beliefs to something more mature and comprehensive. I never paused to consciously acknowledged my subconscious doubts, allowing myself to tumble through life like a leaf in the wind.
A life threatening breast cancer diagnosis was certainly a hard stop, underscoring my brittle beliefs...in neon! The anguish of a potential premature death thrust me into an incredible journey of spiritual discovery that I would never have taken the time to embark upon otherwise.
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In the months following my breast cancer diagnosis I was devoted to uncovering the Truth. I learned everything I could in the pursuit of true mature spirituality. By facing doubts head on I slowly teased out my spiritual beliefs. If something didn’t ring true down to the very cells of my being then I simply wasn’t satisfied and needed to research more. An authority, no matter how well meaning they were, telling me what I should believe just wasn’t good enough. I needed my own proof.
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Every spiritual lead followed was based on a gut feeling a.k.a my intuition. If something didn’t feel right, I stopped looking in that direction. Not firmly or forever closing the door to that topic, I was simply trusting that I didn’t need to follow that particular lead in that moment. It was this way of seeking that eventually brought me to Akiane’s “Prince of Peace”painting in August 2011, at the end of my chemotherapy. Colton Burpo's independent testimonial along with Akiane's "Prince of Peace" painting was the proof I needed.
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Once I found Akiane’s book, I studied it for hours upon hours. She mentions in there that her book is a puzzle of sorts, and that really intrigued me. I took notes in the margins and read, and reread her book it was falling apart in my hands and I knew it almost by heart. This was essential for the recognition and comprehension of the first miracle- a Vision that came a short while later.
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